Category Archives: exercise
MY Obesity … Behavioral?
Sometimes it seems so simple to “decide” to lose weight. My grandfather used to say that the reason that people gain too much weight is because “every time their elbows bend, their mouths fly open!” This makes sense, but as most of the world knows, obesity is much more complicated than that. As an introduction to my lifelong battle with this condition, here is some background about me:
I was born in the summer of 19**, in a tiny rural town in eastern North Carolina, pop. 2500. My upbringing was fun, and my 3 sisters and I lived at home with my Mom and Dad. I was an overweight baby, but slimmed down once I began walking and running as a toddler. My parents worked hard, and were great providers.
There was always enough food to eat, and we ate the traditional southern cuisine. There was an emphasis on outdoor play, so it was pretty easy to stay active and physically fit. I believe that my weight gain began when, as an adolescent, I was able to go to a tiny candy store near my elementary school and buy snacks without my Mom knowing about it. My uncle had come to live with us, and he was always giving my sisters and me his spare change. When I think back, this is the time when I got bigger and kids at school started to tease me, calling me “porky” and “pig” and any other fat-related names.
What is odd about me is that I didn’t care what they said. I’ve always had this idea that stupid people do and say stupid things, and I never really thought they knew any better. The same kids who teased me about being overweight teased other kids about various things…drunk fathers, fat mothers, being lousy at sports, etc. So this was not a source of stress that caused overeating for me. I loved school, was above-average in popularity, and got excellent grades.
I do remember deciding that I didn’t like sports, though, because I would always be one of the last kids to get picked for teams when we played games like softball and kickball in my PE classes. Still, I do not remember being upset about this, because there were several of us who always got picked last. I don’t think it matters why I stopped having fun playing sports, because the result was more weight gain.
Fast forward to high school. I was still fat and happy, with close friends and extra curricular activities. Then, something happened, and to this day, I cannot figure out what it was. All I remember are a few isolated incidents that are weight-related. In my 11th grade year, I remember doing my homework during my lunch break and drinking a carton of low-fat chocolate milk instead of eating. I had stopped eating the extra snacks, but I don’t remember when or why. All of a sudden, I began losing weight at an alarming rate. I was not physically sick, and I didn’t feel tired. My grades went through the roof, and I began to get offers for college scholarships. My teachers liked me, more students liked me, and none of my clothes fit anymore. I went from 220 to about 135 in just a few months. I auditioned for, and won a spot on the color guard in the marching band, and easily fit into the uniform. What I do remember is not realizing that I was so much lighter…to me, I still looked like me.
As the years passed, from high school to college, and to the workforce, I became a yo-yo dieter. I could easily gain and lose weight, and I thought this ability was based on my willpower and discipline. After college, I rarely exercised until I was in my mid-20′s and needed to lose a lot of weight. It worked, and as soon as I reached my goal, I stopped exercising. At age 30, I had my first child. When I was 35, I had two more children (11 months apart). Gained more weight.
When I was admitted to the hospital for my third caeserean section, I weighed 299 pounds. I felt sure that I would lose the weight once the baby was born. That did not happen. While dealing with a bad marriage, three children, and working full time, I was diagnosed with chronic anxiety. A few years later, I was diagnosed with hypertension, and by then, I weighed 320 pounds. Although I’m tall, I couldn’t pretend that I was just “big boned” anymore. I got scared, imagining my children with no mother, and I hired a trainer and went to see a nutritionist. I worked out twice a week for several months, but I saw the nutritionist only once. I did make a few dietary changes for the better, but I never really stopped eating fast food. I should have seen a psychologist, because I am finally beginning to understand that much of my struggle is definitely mental. I know WHAT to do, and I know HOW to do it, but I can’t make myself do it.
I tried Weight Watchers, the weight loss prescription drug Meridia, Dexatrim, Alli, and Atkins. I tried mind over matter, prayer, tough love from my family and best friends, and slimfast. Nothing seemed to get me past those days when all I really wanted was some chicken wings and french fries (with ranch dressing).
I know it sounds crazy, and trust me, my IQ is above average. I am telling you this because I know that society perceives this to be a simple decision, but I believe that this is as difficult as it is for an alcoholic to stop drinking, and for a career smoker to put down the doggone cancer sticks. Yet, I was afraid to see a psychologist because I didn’t want my medical records to show that I had a mental problem. (As if the Lexapro wasn’t a clue…)
I began to consider weight loss surgery about two years ago, and about a year ago I began to consider it more seriously. I was paying almost $100 a month for two prescriptions to manage two obesity-related chronic illnesses, and I had just found out that I was right on the borderline of being diagnosed with diabetes (Type II, also known as adult-onset).
So, I’ve lost 100 plus pounds, am off the meds, and am now at a point where good nutrition and exercise is a way of life for me. Bariatric surgery was a tool to help me get to a place where I wouldn’t eat myself to death (literally), but I still had to make the decision to change my lifestyle … to make the right choices and keep myself motivated to exercise every day.
The pattern that I discovered with regard to my prior food choices and failure to exercise is one that many obese adults share: I ate for fun, as if it was my hobby. Exercise was hard, and it hurt, so I didn’t do it. The BIG (no pun intended) issue was this … I was slowly killing myself. I blamed THIS ailment and THAT food, but it all came down to my behavior. I’ve still got about 50 pounds to lose to get to my goal weight, so I’m going to use this blog to write about things that actually mean something to those of us who suffer from this disease. After all, obesity has a diagnosis code…so it IS a problem that deserves this type of attention.








